Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck and Will Patton. D: Michael Bay. P:Gale Anne Hurd, Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer. W: Jonathan Hensleigh, Jeffrey Abrams and Jeffrey "J. J." Abrams. Touchstone Pictures

Bang! Pow! Whap!

Yuk, yuk, hubba, hubba. Food fight!

This loud, vapid, formulaic peice of trash doesn't even have the good sense to have a a cute alien in it.

You know the story. Big rock headed straight for your trailer park. What to do? Why, blow it up,of course! We're Americans, we solve the world's problems, and we do that by blowing them up! And how to do that? Dig A Really Big Hole And Stick a Nuke In It, duh! But we can't trust NASA astronauts and enginneers to do the job. No, they're much too stolid, educated and mature. What's really needed here are a bunch of gun-totin', environmentalist-hatin', tobacco-chewin', foul-mouthin', just-irresponsible-and-crazy-enough-to-get-the-job-done-but-still-sensitive-enough-to-raise-a girl-on-an-oil-rig bunch of rednecks. They'll dig that hole, screw up just often enough to send the plot line through a few absurd and gratuitous detours, and finally show those straight-laced astronaut types that courage, manhood and just a touch of rebellion can solve any problem.

Yeah, yeah, the special effects are super, but you know that story now, too. Steve Buscemi (who plays a psychotic oil rig worker in a deliciously squirrely performance) is talented enough to breathe a life into any movie, even brain-dead garbage like this. Likewise, there's no movie that Ben Affleck can't put back into a coma. And Bruce Willis is, well, Bruce Willis.


Pow, Bang, Ratatatat!

Lucifer's Hammer meets Animal House.

Sullydog does not approve.

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